Saturday, October 12, 2013

I Wish You The Worst (The Breakup Stages)


So, my friend is going through a breakup from her boyfriend of two years. Since this has happened she has been going through, what I call, stages of grief. Each day of the week she calls me she is a different stage, and sometimes she goes through all the stages in one day. I say this because sometimes when we talk she hates him, sometimes she's crying and misses him, and sometimes she's happy he's gone. It's really hard to keep up with, so I just conform to the mood of the day. It usually involves me saying things like; "yeah girl you didn't deserve that!" or "maybe you guys will get back together you never know" of course this depends on the stage she's in at the time. I'm not normally thinking when I say these things it's just that when you hear the same thing for 13 days in a row it's kind of hard to come up with new and fresh things to say, so you just give up and come up with stock responses you can say without much thought. These stages are pretty standard across the board, but everyone may not express them the same:

Denial - you really don't believe you're broken up, he'll be back in a few days after he cools down, he always does! So you sit back, kick your feet up and channel surf waiting for your phone to ring.

Hurt - it's been three days and no calls, texts, emails, or Facebook likes; you realize this thing is really over; he really isn't coming back; what did you do to deserve this? your life is officially over *endless stream of tears*

Reconciliation - you think, well maybe if I just call him and talk to him we can work this thing out.. yeah that's it.. *calls... ignores your call... you cry*

Anger - the same stuff as Hurt, but with an "who the f*** does he think he is, he wasn't sh** anyway!" tone.

Acceptance - you realize that it's over and that there is a possibility that you will find love again... right after you cut his face out of all your pictures...

Unfortunately, just because you've reached the last stage doesn't mean life's all rainbows and glitter, it is possible that you can and will regress to the beginning stages. You will more than likely repeat this process several times until you are able to resume a somewhat normal life.

During one of the angry stage conversations my friend says, "you know what? I'm sick of people saying 'I wish you the best' to someone when they break up with them. I don't wish him the best, f&@% him, I wish him the worst. I hope he catches a disease or his d$@% falls off!" I agreed and also wished him the same. I knew how to play my part. I just held the phone, listened, and commented when appropriate. Truthfully though, who really wants to see their ex happy with someone else after a recent breakup? Or happy at all for that matter? No one I've ever known.

It's okay though, I sit for however many days it takes and listen, because she has been there for me and will be there I'm sure, if/when I ever go through "the stages" again. After all, what are friends for if not to join you in wishing your ex the worst?

P.S. My friend is crazy and curses like a sailor. I'm sorry.